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It’s a crazy thing that leftover pizza could cause so much trouble.
It was Saturday night, and Fraser and I were hanging out in his crummy apartment. We were sitting on the floor—which wasn’t unusual—watching TV instead of talking—which had become more and more usual since Victoria. There was a pizza box between us, and we’d each had a couple of pieces. Now, maybe I’m crazy, but I like a little conversation with my pizza. What did you do today, what do you think of those Cubs stinking up the field again, stuff like that. See, Fraser used to talk to me. But that night and for a lot of nights before that I couldn’t get one goddamn word out of him, and the silence was giving me agita. I couldn’t even digest my pizza in peace, you know what I mean?
Benny and I had been through some hard times, but they hadn’t brought us closer. Ever since I’d shot him and then gotten shot myself trying to push him out of the way of a bullet, something was eating him up inside, and he didn’t want to tell me about it. He didn’t seem to mind my company, though, so I kept thinking that sooner or later he’d come out with it, whatever it was. Maybe it was an apology, or something about what Victoria did to him, or maybe he was pissed at me for something. I was hoping for an apology. I thought maybe I deserved it. While he was making up his mind, though, would it have killed him to make a little small talk?
I didn’t know what was going on in Fraser’s head. He was sitting there cold as a statue watching the damn TV. Diefenbaker was eyeing the pizza box, so I picked it up and moved it closer to him. With a wolfy smile, he came over and started chowing down. I stole a glance at Fraser.
“You gonna let him eat that?” I asked.
Fraser shrugged without taking his eyes off the screen.
“He’s gonna get fat,” I protested. To tell you the truth, I’d moved the box near the wolf because I wanted to get a rise out of Fraser, but all he spared me was a glance before looking back to the silent TV. Was he gonna to let that wolf stuff himself on junk food again? Considering that I gave it to him, I don’t know why it made me so damn mad all of a sudden, but it did.
“Listen, Fraser, you haven’t been taking care of him in ages. Look at him, eating all that cheese.” I turned to the wolf and enunciated carefully. “Stop eating that,” I said. “It’s bad for you,” and to my surprise he finished chomping down his piece, then moved a little way off and sat down resignedly. Maybe he was deaf, but he could smell lightning in the air.
“Look at that, Benny. Even he knows he shouldn’t eat it,” I said. “Benny?” He wouldn’t answer, wouldn’t look at me. I knew he didn’t give a shit about the Ten O’Clock News, especially since the sound was broken. Well, I guess he could read their lips, couldn’t he? But I couldn’t understand a damn thing they were saying, so I moved around in front to block his view and took him by the shoulders. “You really don’t give a damn since she left, do you? About me or Dief or anything.”
“Leave me alone, Ray,” he said, trying to bat me off like a mosquito.
I wasn’t having any. “Does Dief know you were going away with Victoria? Did you ever tell him that?” He twisted to break my grip, but I held on tight to his shoulders.
“Who knows what Dief understands?” Fraser snapped. “He’s a wolf.”
“Well, that’s strange, Benny,” I said, feeling that internal danger warning you get when you’re about to completely blow it, “because it used to seem like you knew everything that goddamn wolf thought. You gave that wolf more consideration than you ever gave me, and now he’s just a wolf.” I laughed sardonically and gave his shoulders a shake.
“Mind your own business, Ray,” Fraser said quietly.
“Oh, so now the wolf’s not my business? After I fed him and walked him for you more times than I can count? I guess that shouldn’t surprise me,” I said, and now I was really losing it, “you haven’t given Dief the time of day since that bitch left. I guess it makes sense that you’re treating me like shit, too.” Fraser went pale and his jaw set hard, but did I stop? Not me. I went all the way. “I mortgaged my house to bail you out, Fraser.” I was talking right in his face now, and it was becoming more obvious by the minute that it was myself I was really mad about, not the wolf. “Do you have any idea, even now, what that meant to me? You ought to be kneeling at my feet begging for my trust instead of staring at that crap.” That little speech had been gnawing at me for months, but I’d never said anything. Now, in the darkened room, I suddenly heard it coming out of my mouth.
“You shot me,” he said dully.
“It was an accident!” I shouted, suddenly so mad my hands were digging into his arms. “I thought she had a gun. You know that, Fraser, so quit bringing it up. Anyway, goddamn it, I saved you from making the biggest mistake of your life. And I took one for you, too, buddy, let’s not forget that. I’m starting to think it wasn’t worth it.”
That’s when I found myself flat on the floor with a nasty ache where my head had banged against the wood.
“Ow!” I yelled. “Goddamn it, Fraser!” I don’t like pain, I have to admit. “What the hell are you doing? You gonna beat me up now? That’s nice, Benny. That’s really nice.” I struggled and thrashed, but Fraser was on top of me, pinning my arms at the elbows, and he knew how to use his weight. I could hardly even rock him. There wasn’t much I could do except talk. His face was real close to mine. At least I finally had his attention.
All this time, he was staring into my eyes, and the look on his face was really intense, like he was reading something in my expression, and that made me nervous. “What do you want from me, Ray?” he asked quietly.
“Want?” I echoed angrily. “What do I want? I want to be your friend again. I want things to be like they used to be. I want to trust you again, Fraser.”
“What makes you think I care if you trust me?” he asked with a strange little smile.
Now, that really pissed me off. Just what kind of a fucking stupid question was that? I suddenly didn’t want to touch him, didn’t want to be anywhere near him, let alone pinned under him. I started fighting again, hoping to take him by surprise, but no such luck. And all of a sudden something happened that I wasn’t expecting, something I’d never dreamed of in a million years. As I was struggling against Fraser, trying to push him off, I felt this wave of heat between us. Fraser’s body was so hot, he was on fire, and suddenly all of me was aware of all of him pressing me into the floor. I was looking right into his face when I felt myself get hard. And then Fraser got real still, and I could tell he was feeling it there, pressing up against him. I was never so humiliated in my life. A look came over his face that I’d never seen before. His eyes lit up and he looked hungry or something, and real smug.
“Trust? You want trust? Is that all you want, Ray?” he asked slowly, smiling with his lip curled to show his teeth. “I think you want what I want.”
I had no idea what he was talking about. Ok, so I’m an idiot. And before I could ask him, his mouth was up against mine, and for a second I had this stupid thought that it was an accident or something, that he had slipped and fallen down on me. But when his tongue parted my lips and moved inside and went halfway down my throat, I finally figured it out. My lip got pinched between our teeth and it hurt like hell. Just out of self-defense I started kissing him back.
We were battling away with lips, teeth and tongue, and I was turned on like nobody’s business. His kissing was burning right through me. Was I really that hard up, you might ask? If I had to answer honestly, I’d say that he was the best kisser I’d ever known. The whole time he never let go of my arms, so I just lay there like I was crucified and answered his kisses. He was turning me on, and he was doing it on purpose, not only with his kissing, but by grinding his hips against mine. And pretty soon there was no doubt he was as hard as I was.
When he let go of my arms and started unbuttoning my shirt, I fought him. I called him every kind of a son of a bitch. Maybe I wasn’t fighting as hard as I could. I kept telling myself I didn’t want to slug him because he was my friend. And he still had me pinned pretty good with his body. Anyway, he left my shirt half undone and started in on my fly. I fought harder then and threw a punch at the side of his head, but he moved with it and wrestled me down again.
We just lay there still for a minute, both of us breathing hard. I felt Fraser’s hot breath on my neck and in my ear. It was weird, more than weird, being with him like that. Why had I been kissing him back if I wanted him to stop? The truth is, I didn’t want him to stop, and it was tearing me into a million pieces. I was turned on and fit to be tied, and I was still full of fight, but part of me wanted him right where he was. This was Fraser. Fraser. My best friend, the guy who knew me better than I knew myself. The guy I’d do anything for, the guy who betrayed me for Victoria. He was way ahead of me, and I needed some catch-up time.
“Come on, Benny, let me go,” I said, and my voice sounded raw and shaky even to me. “We gotta talk.”
“Please, Ray.” A breath in my ear, barely a whisper. It made me shiver. “Please.” He sounded so desperate. That’s when the fight went out of me. When could I ever refuse Fraser anything, even myself?
When he let go of my arms, I just lay there and answered his kisses while he tore open my shirt and pulled me up so I could shrug it off my arms. Before I knew it, he had taken off my shoes and pants and I was lying there on his cold, hard floor naked as the day I was born. And the whole time he was looking at me, really staring at all of me, with this wild expression on his face. It wasn’t a smile, and it wasn’t a grimace. It looked a lot like desire and a lot like fear. I’d never felt so naked in my life as when Fraser looked at me like that. It was like one of those dreams from years ago where I found myself at school without a stitch. His look was a laser beam lighting me up, burning me everywhere it touched. Fraser needed this. I didn’t know why, but I was letting him have it.
Fraser needed me, but did he know how I felt? How could he? It was like I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Was this really me, Ray Vecchio, lying naked on the floor kissing a guy, and liking it? Liking it? Hell, I was craving it. It was turning me inside out. But I just couldn’t get my mind around it. I couldn’t hold him, or say, “Fraser, kiss me here,” or “Put your hand there.” I took the coward’s way out and let him make all the moves.
All at once his mouth left mine, and it stunned me. I missed it; I wanted it back. He sucked and bit at my neck and chest like a wild thing, and I just lay there gasping like a beached fish, feeling it happen to me. I knew he was gonna leave marks, but, god help me, I wanted it. I wanted his mouth all over me, but I couldn’t ask him for it. His tongue traced a wet trail down my chest, and just when I realized what he was gonna do, he gobbled up my erection, gulped it right down, all the way, so that I was touching the back of his throat as his teeth scraped around the base. I couldn’t stop moaning and shouting, saying things like, “Oh, Benny, oh, Jesus, what the hell are you doing to me? God, Benny, I can’t believe this.” I swear to god, no one had ever done me like that before. No woman I made it with had ever worked up too much enthusiasm over that particular act. To tell you the truth, Benny did it like a whore, but he put his whole soul into it. I’ve always been a yeller, I have to admit, and that night I bet all of Benny’s neighbors got the news. When I thought of it later I wanted to curl up and die.
So he sucked and he nibbled, and he licked, and he kept me in such a state. I couldn’t come, and I couldn’t back off, couldn’t stop writhing and pleading, and all the time, I kept my arms right where he’d put them, when I could have reached out to grab his head and press his mouth down on me. I couldn’t tell him I wanted him and I couldn’t push him away. I felt as if he’d turned my world upside-down, so that the force of gravity might pull me right off that floor and smack into the ceiling. I was hanging on for dear life, watching him all the time in the flickering TV light, kneeling there with one hand on each of my thighs, moving his mouth on and off me. I was practically weeping, I swear to god, when he finally decided to take pity on me. He stopped teasing and got down to business, pushing and pulling and sucking until I came so hard I nearly hurt myself.
When I was back in my right mind, which couldn’t have taken more than a couple of minutes, Fraser had moved a little way off and was sitting again with his back to the bed and his head cushioned in his arms on his bent knees. I went over to him, still shaking and feeling that warm glow, not quite believing that it was Fraser who’d done this to me. “Benny,” I said, touching his arm with my hand.
“Go home, Ray,” he said, and his voice was muffled because he didn’t even raise his head to look at me. I froze, and I felt worse than I had in a long, long time, worse than when Rosa Angeloni threw me out of her house after we’d had such a sweet night, just because I said her brother was a crook. This was Benny, and I’d needed him since I met him. I’d been snide and jealous, and I’d even shot him, but I never thought he’d do something like this—make me need him more than I ever did and then tell me to go away. The funny thing was, I had nothing to say. Nada. I had these wild thoughts and Technicolor pictures in my head of me and Benny doing the things we’d just done, and all I wanted to do was sit there with him quietly and come down off it. But he had other ideas. “Go home,” he repeated. Like I said before, I could never refuse that guy anything. Fraser said “go home,” so I put on my clothes, slipped on my shoes and got my coat off the chair while he just sat there silently. The wolf was watching me, though, and that made me feel naked again. I must have checked my fly five times before I got in the car.
And so I went home to my family with half the buttons missing off my shirt, bite marks on my collarbone, and a head full of confusion.
The next day was Sunday, and my family was driving me so crazy nuts that I went into the office to catch up on some paperwork. And then there was the fact that I couldn’t look Franny in the eye. I seemed to feel her eyes boring through me, as if she could read my mind or see one of those Mountie-sized hickeys on my chest. I knew she was wondering why I was buttoned up to the neck on a weekend and drawing the obvious conclusion. I kept expecting to hear her shriek, “Fraser did what to you?” and the more I cringed, the more suspicious she got. I had to get out of there.
After doing two hours worth of work in four, I gave up and sat back to think. I couldn’t seem to get a handle on it. Instead of focusing on Fraser, my mind kept going back to Franny telling me I didn’t know how to dream. And that was one of the worst moments of my life because I suddenly had this vision of the old cafone who hangs out down at the Y and pees his baggy brown pants all day. He’s all alone, that guy. And in my vision, that was me. I got divorced, I pushed my family away, never had kids, no close friends. It was like that fucking Dickens story. If I just kept caring about work and nothing else, I was gonna be that guy.
And then I finally got it. I swear, it hit me like a ton of bricks. What Fraser had done to me wasn’t just beginner’s luck. He had done it before. How long had he been holding out on me? What was I to Fraser? What was he to me? My best friend? That was a laugh. Things were a lot more complicated than friendship now. Fraser had sucked my dick, and I liked it. I’d been sitting at my desk all day getting hard every time I thought of him. We would never be all right with each other until I talked to him. Hell, things might never be all right again after what he’d done to me, but I couldn’t stay away. I had too many questions running around in my head.
I was almost at his apartment when I realized he wouldn’t be there. I was as sure as I’ve ever been of anything that some other Mountie would be spending Sunday with his wife and kids while Fraser was holding down a double shift outside the Canadian Consulate.
And sure enough, there he was. It was about 4:20 in the afternoon, and I wasn’t sure when his shift ended, but I was gonna give him something to think about while he stood there. I had to wait until a family of four was finished taking their pictures with him. The little boy kept trying to punch him in the stomach until I showed him my badge and told him to get lost. Finally we were alone.
“Hey, Fraser,” I said, “I’ve been thinking about last night.” I walked up to him so that I was looking right into his eyes, but he was staring off somewhere above my head, or maybe through it. This wasn’t gonna be too easy. He’d heard me use the usual names that guys call guys who like other guys: pansy, faggot, queer. He was probably waiting for me to say something like that to him. Well, he had a long wait coming. If he was a pansy, I guess I was another.
“I shouldn’t have left,” I whispered to him, with my heart pounding like mad. “I should have stayed there, and we should have talked. Or maybe I should have socked you one. I don’t know what I want to do, Fraser.” I leaned in, real close to his ear, to say something else, and instead I smelled him, kind of like Fraser smells things. I didn’t mean to do it, but when I got close to him, his scent got into my head. I took a deep breath and remembered the taste of his mouth, and it almost made me forget what I was gonna say. “I’m parked up the block. Come and find me when you finish your shift and we’ll go to your apartment.”
When I stepped back, a little old lady had stopped to stare at me. “What are you looking at?” I asked her. “Go on, move along.” She did.
So then I had a long wait in my car. I wasn’t sure when, or even if, he’d come. From where I was parked, if I craned my neck, I could just barely see a splotch of red. And then, when I was starting to give up, he came. Opened the car door, got in and sat there staring straight ahead. That was it. So I started her up and drove to his place. Neither of us said a fucking word.
It was nearly six-thirty, but still light out. Fraser’s door didn’t lock, so any of his neighbors could have walked in. I pulled a chair over and leaned it against the door. At least we’d have some warning. Fraser was standing there looking at me with an expression on his face I couldn’t read. He seemed to be waiting for me. Still had his hat on and everything.
“What do you want to talk about, Ray?” he asked evenly.
Talk? Suddenly, I didn’t want to fucking talk. I walked up to him and I took his head in my hands and looked into his face. Those steely blue eyes, molded cheekbones, strong chin. I knew that perfect face so well. He was everything I wasn’t. I could just imagine what I looked like with circles under my eyes and five o’clock shadow added to my normal attributes: schnoz, bald spot, receding chin. Greek god versus 98-pound weakling. Wasp versus wop.
I decided that something had to change. He couldn’t stand there looking perfect anymore. I pulled off his hat and spun it aside like a Frisbee. I guess I didn’t think about how hard I was throwing it, because it hit the wall with a loud crack. Fraser flinched, but he didn’t even glance over there; he just kept looking at me, and he looked scared.
Something like a door opened up inside me. The night before, that asshole had held me down and kissed me till I was weak. He stripped my clothes off and he bit me. With a couple of whispered words, he had made me lie there and take it. ‘Ray, please.’ Please what? What the hell was that supposed to mean? The worst thing was that he had made me come so hard it nearly blew the top of my head off. Why the hell did he always get his way? How did he do that? Why did I always feel humiliated afterward? As I looked at him, his mouth was hanging a little open in that funny way he had when he was off-balance or confused. His upper lip rode up to expose those perfect teeth, and, you know, it made his whole face look ridiculous.
“You have a weak mouth, Fraser,” I said meanly, running my thumb over his lips. “I want to talk about your weak mouth.”
“Ray,” he began, “I—”
I clamped my hand over his mouth and kept it there. “Don’t talk,” I said. “Don’t. I don’t want to hear anything from you, Fraser. No apologies, nothing. You can talk me into anything, man, but this time you don’t get the chance.”
And as I stood there with my hand over his mouth, there was a movement against my palm, a soft, wet pressure of his lips and his warm breath and his tongue stroking me, smooth as an apology or a come-on. Which was it? Right at that moment, it didn’t matter. I didn’t care what he needed. Fraser was practically trembling under my hand, and I was as hard and ready as I’ve ever been. There was no denying what I wanted, and I was in the mood to have it. I’d taken a lot from him, and I knew he knew it. Was he ready to take some from me?
I lifted my hand off his mouth and took great pleasure in running both my hands through his perfect hair before pulling him to me for a long kiss. I’d been afraid he’d just stand there and let his mouth go slack, like some girls have done on the worst dates of my life, but when I went into his mouth he started sucking on me, and when his tongue came into mine, I got so turned on I could hardly stand it. I put my arms around him, wanting to touch his back, but I felt like I was holding a warm barrel of red wool serge. Before I could get to first base, I had to deal with his dress uniform.
I peeled that jacket off him as fast as I could. A couple of his precious buttons hit the floor, but I didn’t care. It was incredibly sexy, stripping Fraser’s uniform off him. It was as if I’d always wanted to do this, and my hands already knew how. Pulling off his boots, dropping the suspenders, taking down his pants. He didn’t resist me; he didn’t move unless I told him to. And—it must have been a miracle—I got him down to his boxers and he hadn’t said a word. When I ripped those off and saw that he was hard, I broke into a grin. Benny actually needed something from me. He needed me. Well, he was gonna get me, maybe more of me than he bargained for.
I was still fully dressed, although I’d kicked off my shoes—I still had my belt on and everything. I pushed him down on the bed and lay on top of him, wanting him to feel woolen pants against his erection, just like I had the night before. I started kissing him, and I wasn’t gentle. Our groins were together, and oh, man, the heat was something else. I liked being on top of him, I have to admit. I got to decide when we kissed and when I just sucked his neck, or bit his chest. His hands were nervous, moving here and there as if he wanted to touch me, but he didn’t. I took one in each of mine and I held them over his head, against the mattress. That made me feel good, but maybe it made him feel even better, because he closed his eyes and started moaning. I knew it was time to try something else, or I was gonna have a lot of explaining to do at the dry cleaner. I straddled his thighs and looked down at him.
I’d never wanted to use the word “wanton” to describe Fraser, but it applied now. His chest shone where I’d licked it, his eyes were bright and focused on me, and his lips were loose and red. His lower lip had swelled a little where I’d bitten it too hard. He was gonna have a couple of hickeys hidden under that stiff collar—something to remember me by when he was standing at his guard post. I took his dick into my hand. Funny how natural it seemed to touch him like that. He still looked scared, like he wasn’t sure what to expect from me. I sat there looking at him thinking about how I was gonna suck him off, and I couldn’t help showing him a grin that felt pretty wolfy, even from where I was sitting. He looked really worried then. He didn’t know it, but so was I.
I’d never done this before, but I was determined to make it good, no matter how scared I was. Spreading his legs, I kneeled between them and took him into my mouth and held him there, feeling the heat and silkiness of him, breathing his clean scent. Now, though, there was something else mixed in with it: musk, and more than a bit of sweat. I was making Fraser sweat, and that made me so happy I had the courage to go on with it. I pulled him in too hard the first time and almost gagged, but pretty soon I got the hang of it. I found that if I sucked all the time, on the way in and the way out, he would moan and his dick would get real hard and hot. And then I’d back off and lick him gently, and he’d sigh and push up at me with his hips. Just to make sure he didn’t get too comfortable, I’d stop and bite his thighs until he gasped. I liked to hear him gasp. And moan. I liked everything about what I was doing to him, even the taste.
I kept looking at his dick. I don’t know why I was so fascinated with it. He was pretty good-sized, but he wasn’t cut out to be a porn star or anything. But he was hot and red and shining wet, and there was an electrical connection between what I did down there and the look on his face. Well, yeah, that’s the way sex usually works, when it works. I’m not explaining this very well. It felt as if I’d grabbed on to Fraser’s soul or something. I had him there in my mouth, in my hand. For once since I’d known him, he was all mine.
Finally, he was crying out and clenching his fists, and I knew I had to let him go. By that time, I had caught on to the way that you can stop your gag reflex, so I pulled him all the way in a couple of times, bumping him against the back of my throat and swallowing hard. The last time he cried out and took my head in his hands and came. The weird thing was, I was so wrapped up in how good he felt in my mouth and under my hands, how great it felt to be doing this to him, that I swallowed without thinking much about it. Then I had the urge to kiss him, to make him taste it on me, and anyway, I had some unfinished business in my pants.
I got up and undressed fast and lay down next to him. It was the first time we’d really held each other, and even after all I’d done to him, I suddenly felt embarrassed with him all over again. He kept staring at me like he still wasn’t sure what I was gonna do, so I kissed him. I didn’t want to come by humping his leg, so I pulled back and straddled him again.
He looked at me and then suddenly he was rummaging down under the bed with one hand. When he came up he had a couple of condoms and a little plastic bottle in his hand. He handed them to me. His eyes were big and bright, and he was really sweating now. I could see it shining on his forehead, and I could smell the musk of it. “Ray, would you…” he began. He licked his lips, and his pale face was flushing so scarlet from the neck up, it almost erased the hickeys I’d worked so hard to make. “Ray, would you come inside me?” he whispered.
I was amazed, and a little freaked out. Fraser wanted me to fuck him? And even more incredible, Fraser kept lube and condoms by the side of his bed? “So, Benny,” I said, deciding to make a joke of it, “who were you keeping those around for? You think I’m easy, Benny?”
He gave me that look that said he knew I was joking but he didn’t get it. Sort of a pained look that I could imagine his father giving him when he was a kid. “I bought them for you,” he answered, faltering a little.
“Aw, Benny. Oh, man.” I didn’t know what else to say, so I leaned forward and kissed him, and then I laid my cheek up against his and just felt him for a minute.
How long had he known he wanted me? Me, jeez, I was clueless, but Fraser had been thinking of me while he was buying a little container of lube that he was afraid to use. That really hit me, as much as anything else that had happened. Fraser wanted me. Maybe he even loved me. After watching me go through fifty dates and a couple of stupid infatuations, he figured I wasn’t interested. Hey, he was right. I’d never even thought about it, idiot that I am, but I was hardly ever as close to anyone in my life as I was to Benny. He thought Victoria was his last chance because she was the only woman he’d ever loved. And if Victoria was Fraser’s last chance, Fraser was mine. Now that she was gone, we were each other’s. No matter how I scared I was of doing this I couldn’t let him go.
He wasn’t making any moves to open the stuff and get on with things, so I took a condom and put it on and poured some lube into his hand. He smiled a little as he spread it over me. He raised his knees around me while I knelt between his legs. “Go ahead,” he whispered.
Go ahead and do exactly what? I felt stupid and awkward as I put my dick on his asshole and pushed a little, then a little harder. Nothing doing. I lubed up my finger and pushed it inside him so I could feel where I was going. God, he was tight, so I moved my finger around, trying to open him up.
“Relax, Benny,” I whispered. “You want this, right?”
He nodded, and I felt his muscles clench around me for a second, and then he seemed a little looser. When I tried a second finger, he started getting into it, pushing back against me. I figured it was time for something a little bigger.
It took a few tries, but when he finally opened up to me I felt like I was falling into him, and I sighed his name like a lovesick girl. At that moment all his neighbors could have marched in with video cameras and I never would have stopped. I moved in him slowly, watching his eyes watch me. I was so blown away—the look on my face must have been something. I was in him. Benny. He was mine. I was gonna come inside him. He was smiling, probably laughing at me a little. I shifted position so that I went in deeper, and I held his arms above his head again. That wiped the smug look off his face soon enough. I kissed him then, all over his face, and fucked his lips with my tongue.
When he moaned into my mouth I could hardly keep from coming. I wasn’t sure I could hold off much longer anyway, so I took his dick in my hand and rubbed it until I felt him start to throb all around me. I couldn’t stop it anymore, so I buried myself in his heat and let go.
When I could finally move again, I pulled the covers over us. “Even-Steven,” I murmured to him, as I pushed up close against his side and put an arm over his chest.
“Ray, nobody says that anymore,” he answered softly. “And, strictly speaking, it isn’t accurate.”
I laughed. Nothing could have annoyed me right at that moment. “Ok, Benny, this better be good. You came twice and I came twice, if you count last night. So we’re even.”
“Actually, Ray, I came three times.” He stopped and waited for me to catch up.
“You mean you—spell it out for me, Benny.”
I could actually feel the blush on his neck this time. “Last night, when you came in my mouth, I came in my…” He stopped.
“…your pants,” I finished for him. “So you were embarrassed. Is that why you told me to go home?”
“I was humiliated,” he said softly.
“Oh, Benny,” I said, laughing, leaning on an elbow so I could look into his face, “welcome to my world.”
So we lay there quietly as it got dark, and my mind drifted off into sleep. I hadn’t ever felt this good, hardly ever, in my life.
God, if Franny ever found out what we’d done, she’d cut off my balls. Of course, if she asked Benny if we’d made it, he’d say he couldn’t tell her. It would be a matter of honor with me, too, wouldn’t it? I knew now for sure that he never slept with her. He just didn’t want her to feel bad after she told my whole office that she went to his place in her underwear. For once I got to be the lucky one.
Franny told me I couldn’t dream. Yeah, I can dream, Franny, and I can take risks. And I dreamed myself a way out of my rut. I dreamed that I could fly, and now I’m navigating upside-down by the seat of my pants. Not everybody’s gonna like it, but that’s tough, because I’m not gonna end up like that old cafone at the Y. I know what I want now, and I’m sure as hell gonna have it.
The End