i am honestly so emotional right now.
remember, i told you that i found an advisor to mentor me as i write my thesis on fanficiton? so, i’m gathering the source material, giving him the main subjects i could explore, stuff like that, you know?
and i’m sitting here, with my tumblr open at the ‘fan studies’ tag and going through it because it’s my object of study and i’m so overwhelmed by it, to the point i’m on the verge of tears???
sounds stupid as fuck, but listen, i’m going to study fanfiction.
i repeat: i’m going to study fanfiction.
and maybe you’re reading it and going: so what? many people do, it’s not that special.
but it is.
it is to me.
listen, i’ve spent the last 13 years of my life reading fanfiction just because i love it. i’ve put so much energy reading, writing and participating in fandom, making friends, making maybe enemies too (it’s part of fandom life y’all), i’ve loved, i’ve cried, i’ve fallen in love, i’ve fallen out of love, i’ve been furious to the point i ranted with tears down my face (looking at marvel and the fucking nazi steven storyline).
shit, i’ve felt so many emotions and i’ve gone through so many experiences and so many times, when non-fandom people, learned about this immense part of my life, they’d look down at it and not get it. not even understand what drove me into it in the first place. most of people believe it’s a waste of time and energy and…well, if you’re a fangirl, you know what i’m talking about.
but now i’m studying it. now it seems like all those things i lived serve me for a tangible thing now - not that it didn’t before, it’s just that now seems to be legitimate in a way. like for everyone who questioned me about it, i can say ‘well, that stupid thing? got me another bachelor degree, bitch’ and if i’m lucky enough maybe a masters and a doctorate too.
so, it’s exhilarating as fuck, to be sitting here, bringing my world into real life as a object of my research instead of using it to escape another research that doesn’t speak to me in a spiritual level like this one does.
shit, i’m offering a piece of my soul to the academic world to see
if that isn’t the most rad thing i’ve ever done, not sure what will be